Match Report Archive

~FINAL DAY OF THE SEASON~

FINAL DIVISION 2 TABLE: Confirming Warlocks' Promotion.Added by DiscipleOfSheen CHARLIE'S WARLOCKS 8-8 REAL OLD

WEEK 10: Final Day Drama as Heroic Warlocks Clinch Promotion to the Top Flight!

After a rollercoaster 10-week season, Charlie's Warlocks last night finally sealed their place in next season's top division after a Herculean team effort, going toe-to-toe with the all-conquering juggernaut of Real Old in the final match of the season on a night where defeat simply was not an option. The mighty Warlocks gave it everything and were within seconds of becoming the only team this season to claim a win over the league champions, before a last-gasp goal at the death from the newly-crowned kings of Division 2 forced the draw, securing their unbeaten record and leaving the Warlocks' fate to be decided by results elsewhere. Owing to a bizarre double forefeit from rivals Soggy Busquets and Muswell Hillbillies (believed by some cynics to be a conspiracy to avoid having to face the daunting prospect of top-division opponents), the resulting 0-0 draw meant that one point was enough to propel the Warlocks to the promised land of the top flight for the first time in 4 seasons, albeit by the skin of their proverbial nut-sacks. Nevertheless, nothing should be taken away from an historic performance in which the Warlocks, spurred on by injured star George Perrozzi barking orders from the bench, provided Real Old with their toughest test of the season, matching them in every aspect of the game and justifying their newfound Division 1 status.

The tension was palpable right from kick-off, with neither team giving anything away in the early stages of the match. After what seemed like an eternal stalemate, it was Real Old who finally broke the deadlock with a well-worked team goal, serving as a strong reminder to the Warlocks of the challenge they faced. The Warlocks didn't let this faze them however and continued to defend with a conviction and organisation reminiscent of their accomplished opponents, taking advantage of their superior fitness and pace to hit Real Old on the counter attack with a handful of excellent goals, not least a long range beauty from Charles Stewart and a rocket from the right foot of Takis Anatolitis running on to a cut back from Charles. The Warlocks went into the second half 4-3 up - an advantage they deserved, despite Real Old having had a goal disallowed after shooting immediately from the centre before the Warlocks had even made it back to their half of the pitch.

The second half was just as competitive; Anatolitis collected his hattrick after receiving a pass from Charles Stewart in his stride before wrongfooting a defender and placing the ball in the bottom corner. Ross Stewart scored his fifth goal of the season and Geoff Spencer-Smith added to his tally before the captain was denied a clear goalscoring opportunity when a floored Real Old defender deemed it appropriate to hold Anatolitis back from the ball by wrapping his legs around Takis' left foot. His justification of "it's football, I'm gonna do that" was not taken kindly by the Warlocks front man who retorted with "No, you're gonna do that because you're a prick". Takis got revenge moments later by nutmegging the same opponent before scoring his fourth of the game - all assisted by Charles - to give his team a late lead, but it was the Real Old man who was to have the last laugh. With the score reading 8-7 Warlocks and with seconds remaining on the clock, Anatolitis committed himself early and was powerless as he was rounded and saw the ball find its way into the Warlocks net with virtually the last kick of the game.

The final whistle brought mixed emotions for the boys in white. Disappointment at coming so close to achieving what no team this season had achieved, anxiety at the outcome of their promotion chase and pride in the way that they had played. The customary post-match handshakes and "well played" remarks from Real Old were sincere as it was clear their expectations had been surpassed. Now the Warlocks face an even tougher test, the prospect of surviving in a league in which their last spell ended with a solitary win, a goal difference in excess of -60 and, to this day, their record defeat at the hands of the current reigning Divison 1 champions. For now at least, the team can celebrate a great season and a well-earned reward.

Goals - Takis 4, Charles 2, Geoff 1, Ross 1

 MAN OF THE MATCH: Takis Anatolitis

It should be noted that Takis himself, ever the modest hero that he is, singled out Charles Stewart for this award. Charles set up all four of Takis' goals as well as adding two of his own and dominated in defence. Official Man of the Match adjudicator Mark Grogan however opted for Anatolitis for his four-goal performance. Anatolitis sealed the Golden Boot in emphatic fashion with four very well taken goals to complement an all-round solid performance. Grogan noted that for once the captain actually decided to defend, an event so rare it should not be overlooked.

 GOAL OF THE GAME: Takis Anatolitis

With the teams level before half time, Takis came screaming through the middle of the field before Charles Stewart rolled the ball back into his path from the right corner for Takis to unleash a bullet of a shot with his right foot, first-time into the near post, leaving the Real Old keeper with no chance. Given that Anatolitis making clean, if any, contact with the ball is far from a certainty at the best of times, it perhaps comes as no surprise that Charles later commented that, on seeing his teammate cuing up to strike the ball with such ferocity, he considered diving for cover. Even Anatolitis himself was surprised that the ball did not end up flying hopelessly high and wide of the goal.

''' NEXT OPPONENT: ? '''

We can only wait and see who will be next to face the Warlocks. Of the teams who will comprise Division 1 next season, the Warlocks have only experience of two. One is of course Real Old and the other is the formidable A Team, made up of semi-professional 11-a-side players using Powerleague as their training ground, a terrifying prospect as the unbeaten league champions and proud providers of the Warlocks' record defeat - a 21-1 annihilation on the last day of Season 3. Next season, the Warlocks will be hoping to keep the deficit to single figures!

Division 1 final standings. The bottom two teams have been relegated.Added by DiscipleOfSheenFinal Golden Boot Standings Here

~WEEK 9 DOUBLE HEADER~

CHARLIE'S WARLOCKS 10-8 Muswell Hillbillies

WEEK 9: Fifth Win of the Season Sets Up Nail-biting Finale

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">Following a draining defeat at the hands of bitter promotion rivals, Murphy's Black & White Ninjas, the Warlocks dragged their battered lagging legs over to Pitch 12 for a second consecutive 50-minute match against Muswell Hillbillies, a team they had comfortably beaten on the opening day of the season with the aid of a full strength lineup firing on all cylinders.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">This, predictably, proved to be a much tougher contest and the Warlocks, just as they had in the Murphy's game before, went into half-time 5-4 down. This time however, they kept their cool (and kept Charles on the pitch) in the second half, making their opponents work for possession and, where possible, making the ball do the work. The Warlocks back line stayed strong, backed up by keeper Alex Harris displaying some of his best form. Some well-timed counter attacks and a masterclass in shameless goal-hanging by striker, Takis Anatolitis, taking full advantage of the lack of an offside rule, led to potentially one of the team's most vital comebacks to date. Matt Burrow continued his great form from the previous game, turning provider for 4-goal Anatolitis, whilst Ash, Mark and Charles made sure to plant their boots firmly into the paths of any assailants who dared head goalward.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">The final 10 minutes of the game were punctuated by rash challenges, injury scares and people simply falling over their own feet through sheer exhaustion, but through all the drama, Anatolitis latched on to a parried shot with a hit-and-hope swing of his left foot to record his 20th goal of the season in his 8th consecutive game, wrapping up the victory, placing one hand firmly on the coveted Golden Boot trophy, but most importantly, leaving his team with a fighting chance of achieving that elusive promotion from Division 2. One game remains; nothing less than a win will be enough.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">Goals - Takis 4, Ash 2, Matt 2, Mark 1, Charles 1.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px"> MAN OF THE MATCH: Charles Stewart

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">In some ways, a victim of his own success, Charles is arguably the Warlocks most consistent performer, meaning that his invaluable contributions are too often overlooked for the Man of the Match accolade. In this match however, it was simply impossible to ignore his importance to the team, so much so that it wasn't until he was reduced to a limp by a minor ankle injury that Anatolitis allowed him to leave the field of play. Charles made countless last-ditch blocks and bone-crunching tackles that would have made Stuart Pearce proud, marshalling the defence from start to finish, going about his business with an unyielding defiance that invigorated his fellow Warlocks. He was instrumenal in virtually every Warlocks counter-attack and even rounded off his performance with a beautifully struck goal. In no uncertain terms, Charles Stewart was a beast.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px"> GOAL OF THE GAME: Charles Stewart

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">With little to separate the two teams in the second half, Charles pulled out a wonderstrike from nowhere to score his fifth goal of the season. Receiving the ball just over the half way line with the Warlocks on the attack, Charles took an excellent first touch to take the ball past his man and create space in front of him, then guided the ball effortlessly into the far top corner of the net with the inside of his right foot, leaving the keeper grasping at air.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px"> NEXT OPPONENT: Real Old

To say Real Old are on good form this season would be an understatement on the level of calling Joseph Fritzl a 'bad father'. The Warlocks' final match of the season presents a truly daunting task indeed as one look at the league table or Real Old's formidable unbeaten record this season shows just how difficult they are going to be to face, having dropped just two points all season. It may come down to which players are available on the day, or how dedicated Real Old are to their final match having already wrapped up the league title. Either way, this will be far from easy and to secure promotion, the Warlocks will have to do what no other team has done in all of Season 6 - beat Real Old. Fittingly it was victory over this very opponent that secured the Warlocks' famous promotion in Season 2. Both teams have improved since then, but maybe if anything is going to tip the balance in the Warlocks' favour, it is that they have everything to fight for while Real Old have nothing to gain.

Real Old Season 6 FormAdded by DiscipleOfSheen

 Charlie's Warlocks 6-13 MURPHY'S BLACK & WHITE NINJAS 

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">WEEK 9: Murphy's Outclass Warlocks to Complete Season Double

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">The opener in the Warlocks' penultimate week double header saw the repeat fixture of an ill-tempered affair in which their opponents' footballing ability was well and truly overshadowed by their despicable nature, lack of general human decency and distinct failure to have properly advanced along the evolutionary chain. Nevertheless, it is difficult to ignore the gulf that has emerged between the two sides with the knuckle-dragging ASBO candidates having sucessfully completed a comfortable double over the Division 2 veterans in their maiden season. The Warlocks can count themselves very fortunate therefore to find themselves ahead of their promotion rivals going into the final day of the season, and have to thank their rich spell of early season form as well as some highly questionable Powerleague administration. Without going in to detail, it would appear fair to suggest that those responsible for tweaking the official league table on the centre's website are not blessed with degrees in mathematics.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">Despite the disappointing result, there were two silver linings from a Warlocks perspective. One is that, given the bloodbath that had been anticipated following the sides' first meeting, this was a relatively mild encounter, resulting in no injuries or punch ups. This is not to say that the Ninjas behaved immaculately of course, they still managed to discover ground-breaking ways of acting like pricks, but it was akin to Joey Barton completing a match having only received a yellow card rather than a red - a relative, if saddening 'achievement'. The other highlight for the Warlocks was the emergence of promising debutant Matt Burrow, who despite having just returned from Ibiza, managed to not only complete the match without passing out, but also put in an excellent performance to score four goals and set up another. Takis scored the other two goals, taking the lead for the first time this season in the Golden Boot race in the process. The Warlocks' undoing came at the start of the second half. At just one goal down with the scoreboard reading 5-4, defender Charles Stewart started the second half on the bench. Within 5 minutes of the restart, the Warlocks had conceded no fewer than five goals. Most Warlocks later agreed that this was purely incidental and that Stewart's momentary absence from the field had no bearing on their complete defensive capitulation.

Goals - Matt 4, Takis 2

 MAN OF THE MATCH: Matt Burrow

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">On his Charlie's Warlocks debut, newcomer Matt Burrow showcased his abilities instantly, getting involved in every attack and looking lively from the first whistle. Matt wasted no time in demonstrating his vicious shotpower as he unleashed an onslaught against the Murphy's goal, collecting four goals by the final whistle. He also selflessly squared the ball for captain Anatolitis to score his first of the match when through on goal just before half time. Matt showed great feet and a deadly finish, vowing that he will be better still once he properly recovers from his trip to Ibiza. An official Warlocks spokesperson confirmed that Matt stuck strictly to ice teas and virgin mojitos whilst on his vacation. With such an impressive debut, Matt is hopeful of breaking in as a Warlocks regular, as club stores have already began to stock shirts bearing his name in place of the 'Grogan' shirts gathering dust on the shelves.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px"> GOAL OF THE GAME: Matt Burrow

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">The highlight of an all-round impressive performance was this superb individual goal. Matt twisted and turned his way around several defenders on a mazy dribble from the far left corner of the pitch, fighting off various attempts to rugby tackle him off the ball before cutting inside onto his right foot and calmly finding the net from a tight angle in a display of power, control and resilience, rather reminiscent of fat buck-toothed tranny-loving Ronaldo in his heyday.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">UPDATED: Season 6: Golden Boot

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">See Previous Match Reports CHARLIE'S WARLOCKS 13-6 Smutton Rude 

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:1em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:1em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;">WEEK 8: Warlocks Back to Winning Ways at Last

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:1em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:1em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;">Fresh from their third straight defeat and sitting worryingly shy of the all-important top 2, the Warlocks were in serious need of a win last night to not only revive their push for promotion, but also to boost morale in a team beginning to appear a mere shadow of its former self. Thankfully it was time for club founder, Takis Anatolitis to firmly take this game by the balls, finding the net an impressive six times to help his team to their fourth win of the season. But it was not just Anatolitis who stood out on the night; Ross Stewart was highly effective having finally worked out how to put the ball in the net, a feat he achieved four times over the course of this match after a barren spell spanning over a season. His goals leave crocked defender Mark Grogan as the only Warlock without a goal in Season 6 adding further weight to the suggestions that Grogan is surplus to requirements. Ash Rahmat was highly influential in the match also, making countless crunching challenges to take care of one particular unpleasant menace from the opposition. Perhaps most of all it was the long-awaited return of goalkeeper Alex Harris that was the most telling improvement to the side, Harris hit the ground running after a 3-week absence and made a number of vital saves to maintain a comfortable margin for his team. All in all, this was a truly rejuvinated if not quite full-strength, Warlocks side.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:1em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:1em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;">Charlie's Warlocks wasted no time in taking charge right from the first whistle of this match, making their fellow Division 2 veterans work for every pass and every tackle. Their opponents' jobs were made harder by the fact that they only had five players and without the luxury of a substitute, the match quickly began to seem an inevitability. Goals from Anatolitis and Ross Stewart gave the Warlocks a 3-0 lead within a matter of minutes and with barely a quarter of the match played, Anatolitis had his hattrick. By half time the Warlocks appeared to have the match all but wrapped up and Anatolitis had found the net four times. The captain later expressed his disappointment at not receiving a round of applause from his teammates or opponents at the half time whistle.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:1em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:1em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;">The second half continued as the first ended, with the Warlocks in control. Goals from both Stewart brothers and a brace from Simon Millson, the only player to have appeared in every Warlocks match this season, compounded the Warlocks' dominance as five-man Smutton Rude began to appear more and more tired from the lack of a sixth man. Nowhere was Smutton's frustration more evident than in the petulant tantrums and theatrics of their latest hired gun - a loud-mouthed embarrassment of a player well and truly up there in the hall of shame of Warlocks opponents. Thankfully, as with many such idiots, his bark was much worse than his bite and his contribution towards the match was minimal, albeit entertaining.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:1em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:1em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;">With Murphy's Black and White Ninjas dropping points, the race for second is now wide open with three teams tied on 12 points behind Muswell Hillbillies with 13. The Warlocks however have a game in hand. The run of three defeats has left them with an uphill struggle to secure promotion, but with Alex back in goal and with several players on goalscoring form, the Warlocks remain hopeful of a long-awaited return to the top flight, blissfully oblivious to the fact that should they get there, they will probably lose most of their games 20-0 and duly return to Divison 2 a season later.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:1em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:1em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;">Goals - Takis 6, Ross 4, Simon 2, Charles 1.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:1em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:1em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;"> MAN OF THE MATCH:  Takis Anatolitis

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:1em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:1em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;">In a match where every Warlock played a solid game, official adjudicator, Mark Grogan awarded this title to player/manager Anatolitis. With six goals and a handful of assists, Takis fought off close competion from four-goal Ross as well as impressive returning keeper, Alex Harris. Anatolitis was involved in virtually all of the Warlocks goals and made several incisive runs behind the Smutton Rude defence to open up goalscoring opportunities. In fact Anatolitis really should have challenged Alex Alimo's club record of 10 goals in a match, given the number of glorious opportunities he wasted in this game. Despite some poor misses, he thankfully managed to exhibit more of the sublime and less of the ridiculous on a night where the Warlocks needed their captain to lead by example. He capped off his performance with a semi-deliberate foul and textbook shoulder barge on a Smutton player who, by all accounts, most certainly deserved it. Takis later dedicated this to his teammates. With Geoff Spencer-Smith missing and George injured, Anatolitis' six goals have now drawn him level with the other two in the Golden Boot race, with the three tied on 14 goals with 3 matches to play.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:1em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:1em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;"> DICK OF THE DAY:  Shit Balotelli (Smutton Rude)

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:1em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:1em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;">A detestable drama queen with a bad attitude reminiscent of a Mario Balotelli without a fraction of the ability but all of the arrogance. In fact, it would have summed up his contribution perfectly had he taken to the field wearing the Manchester City man's infamous "Why Always Me?" t-shirt, as not only did his complete lack of a pass for the entire 50 minutes deprive the Smutton regulars of more than a handful of touches between them, but he also decided to cry to the referee after every fair tackle, blocked attempt, or saved shot he was made to endure. The embarrassment among the other mild-mannered Smutton players was evident throughout and their team captain even reassured Anatolitis after the match that this individual was 'not one of their players' and that he wouldn't be playing again. His taunt of 'save that, keeper!' aimed at Alex Harris would have carried so much more bite had the Warlocks stopper not already saved virtually all of his efforts on goal and had he not spent the majority of the game in Ashkan's pocket.

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:1em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:1em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;"> NEXT OPPONENT: Murphy's Black & White Ninjas 

<p style="border-bottom-width:0px;border-left-width:0px;font-style:inherit;font-weight:inherit;margin-top:1em;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:1em;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;vertical-align:baseline;">A real grudge match for the Warlocks - the previous fixture between these two teams provided a fiery spectacle in which many a dirty challenge was made. George Perrozzi has already expressed his disappointment that he won't be able to play as he was eagerly anticipating the opportunity to dish out some kicks. The last match saw the Ninjas win by a clear margin when the Warlocks were arguably guilty of complacency. However, surely no such mistake will be repeated as the team know what the Ninjas are capable of. With wins over the Warlocks and Real Old, it is clear that, at their best, the Ninjas are a force to be reckoned with. If the Warlocks can concentrate on keeping up their free-flowing attacking football and not so much on exacting a brutal retribution for the previous game, you feel that with the added benefit of Alex Harris in goal, they could just overcome their opponents on this occasion. One thing is for sure: the match promises goals and controversy in equal measures. Ambulances will be on stand-by. 

Charlie's Warlocks 9-12 SOGGY BUSQUETS

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">WEEK 7: Warlock Woes Continue as Star Man is Sidelined for the Season

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">Charlie's Warlocks have found themselves in the bottom half of the table for the first time in Season 6 after suffering their third consecutive defeat. Turn the clock back a month and this scenario would have been unthinkable, with an unbeaten Warlocks team sitting pretty at the top of the pile, boasting a 100% record and aspirations of Division 2 glory. Now, as the season draws to a close and with four games remaining, what was once a title there for the taking has been replaced by the hopeful glimmer of a promotion prospect behind odds-on bankers for the title, Real Old. To make matters worse, top goalscorer, George Perrozzi has been ruled out for the remainder of the season following a clumsy challenge just short of half-time that put him in hospital with a dislocated shoulder.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">Despite the demoralising result, the Warlocks can be proud of the way they fought, particularly in the second half of the match. Once again without an accomplished goalkeeper between the posts, the Warlocks had to defend in numbers throughout the match to close down shots. Simon and Ross shared the goalkeeping duty as they had done in the past and, to their credit, they were each considerably better than former Warlocks Number 1, Mark Grogan. Geoff started the brightest, netting a couple of smart goals early on to keep the Warlocks in the contest before Ashkan Rahmat finally recorded his first ever competitive Warlocks goal after the best part of 300 minutes of continuous abject failure. Lightning struck twice later on as Ash found the net for the second time in his Warlocks career but despite their best efforts, the Warlocks found themselves down approaching half time. Then - disaster - as George picked up a pass from Takis around the half way line, he tried to turn a Soggy Busquets player to begin one of his trademark dribbles but was clumsily hacked down. The impact of George's fall resulted in the repeat of a longstanding injury for the Warlocks talisman. His reaction instantly confirmed the team's worst fears as he stood up holding his shoulder, confirming that it had once again been dislocated. The match was put on hold as an ambulance came to attend to him and the Warlocks were forced to see out the second half with just five players and no substitutes. Further checks at the hospital later confirmed that George is most likely going to have to sit out for the rest of Season 6.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">As if spurred on by their teammate's misfortune, the remaining, outnumbered Warlocks played out of their skins to keep Soggy Busquets at bay and, without the luxury of a sixth man on the bench to give anyone a rest, remarkably managed to outscore their opponents in the second half. Birthday boy, Simon Millson slotted home an accurate left-footed finish while Geoff continued to find the net consistently, making up for George's absence. Takis rounded off a beautiful one-two with Ash by scoring his first of two goals in the match; unfortunately for him and the team, in keeping with his notorious habit of scoring unintentional goals, his second of the match found its way past Ross Stewart and into the Warlocks own net. Geoff later opined that Takis' own-goal should cancel out his goal in his official Golden Boot tally.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">Sadly, the incredible shift put in by the five remaining Warlocks was not enough to overcome the deficit left by the first half, although as Mark Grogan would surely have said, had he not been away on official Warlocks scouting duty at Barnet FC, it was a 'moral victory'. Albeit with a game in hand, the Warlocks now find themselves ominously adrift of the top 2 places. However, with struggling Smutton Rude to come and their game in hand against Muswell Hilbillies. second place is still realistically within their grasp, provided that they maintain a regular goalkeeper for the next four weeks and Geoff, Ash and Takis are able to provide adequate goalscoring cover for the injured George. Positives can be drawn from this match, but the pressure is very much on tonight.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">Goals - Geoff 5, Ash 2, Simon 1, Takis 1 (-1?).

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px"> MAN OF THE MATCH: Geoff Spencer-Smith

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">Even setting aside his excellent tally of five goals in the match, there was no doubt that Geoff was the stand-out performer in this game. His defensive contribution was relentless and it was Geoff, above all others, who rallied the troops in the second half and epitomised the team's fighting spirit. A force on all corners of the pitch, Spencer-Smith's abilities are now invaluable to the Warlocks going forward with the loss of Perrozzi. Geoff's performance was particularly impressive given that he had earlier swam across the channel and jogged his way to the the Powerleague Centre from Dover in time for kick-off.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px"> DICK OF THE DAY: Takis Anatolitis

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">There could simply only be one winner for this particular accolade. With the momentum just starting to sway back in favour of the trailing Warlocks, the five-man team had fought their way back to within just one goal of their opponents with mere minutes to go, setting up a nail-biting finale to the match. But the team's dreams of a heroic comeback were sadly shattered by a stunning first-time finish, powered low and hard inside his OWN keeper's near post by captain, Takis Anatolitis. Many commented that this goal was actually better than the one Anatolitis scored at the correct end moments earlier. After the match, goalkeeper Ross Stewart commented that he had 'no chance' of saving that.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px"> BEST NEWCOMER: Ashkan Rahmat

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">Ash, Warlocks number 1 goalkeeper really showed his coming of age outfield scoring two well-taken goals. He looks to add his experience in front of goal to help the Warlocks win games. We are all 100% behind our silver lining and hope he can add as much up front as he does in defence, casually keeping the football ticking over.

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px"> NEXT OPPONENT: Smutton Rude

<p style="padding-right: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 1em 0px; vertical-align: baseline; padding-top: 0px">The one team in Division 2 currently sitting below Charlie's Warlocks is Smutton Rude. Thankfully, from a Warlock perspective, this is their next opponent. Having lost their last three matches, it would seem the ideal remedy for the Warlocks is a match against the team who have lost their last six. The previous meeting between the two provided a far tougher test than the Warlocks had anticipated when Smutton brought in a horde of reinforcements. Anatolitis and his team will be hoping that more of the original Smutton team will be available to start tonight.

Smutton Rude Season 6 FormAdded by DiscipleOfSheen

Charlie's Warlocks 6-13 REAL OLD

WEEK 5: Understrength Warlocks Suffer Further Title Setback

Charlie's Warlocks suffered their second successive defeat on Tuesday night at the hands of first-placed Real Old, leaving them clinging desperately to second place and locked in what promises to be a fierce battle for promotion at the half-way point of the season. The odds were stacked against the Warlocks from hours before the match, following the late withdrawal of two key players (and Ashkan) from the side to add to their continuing goalkeeper conundrum. Inspirational defender Charles Stewart was ruled out due to illness on the morning of the match. A source close to Charles hinted that this may have resulted from the Warlocks man having accidentally spiked his own drink on a night out partying in his native Scotland the night before. Leading goalscorer George Perrozzi was also incapacitated due to work commitments and the mouth of Charlie's Warlocks, Ash Rahmat, was struck down with the dreaded man-flu, meaning he too would miss out. This left a heavily depleted Warlocks side comprising of just four usual squad players - Takis, Simon, Ross and Geoff - bolstered by an assortment of last-minute players provided by Powerleague to make up the numbers. Alas it was the mismatch of unfamiliar individuals lacking in the team cohesion and camaraderie showcased in abundance by the early season Warlocks side that was to prove their undoing in a match that has left everyone wondering what might have been.

Credit must be afforded however to Real Old, who had certainly brought their A-game to this crucial clash. The relentless physicality and consistent, organised passing that has become synonymous with the old timers was there for all to see. Every instance of sloppy marking from the Warlocks was punished and the league-leaders gave very little away for free in defence. Ross and Simon shared goalkeeping duty in the first and second halves respecitively. Neither is a natural goalkeeper, as demonstrated particularly by Simon displaying all the mobility of Stephen Hawking with a runtime error in the second half. The Real Old keeper, on the other hand, was able to block countless Warlocks efforts as nothing short of a well-placed powerful drive to the corners of the net seemed sufficient to beat him. Nothing it would seem, with the exception of a Ridiculinho special of course. Anatolitis collected his 6th goal of the season after clumsily sticking out an outstretched left foot in a blind instinctive flinch following a Simon Millson piledriver; the ball then ricocheted off the oblivious captain's boot and passed the bemused Real Old keeper. Millson sought to claim the goal as his own but official Golden Boot adjudicator Mark Grogan ruled that Takis had made the vital touch. Anatolitis followed this up with a rare, intentional goal (he claims), slotting the ball inside the near post after cutting in on his right foot and wrongfooting the defender in his solitary display of actual ability in the entire 50 minutes.

The remaining Warlocks goals were shared out amongst the Powerleague-provided mercenaries as Geoff Spencer-Smith's impressive scoring run came to an end. The final scoreline of 13-6, it is probably fair to say, was a flattering one as far as Real Old were concerned. The biggest difference between the two sides on the night was most probably the lack of a regular Warlocks keeper, but nothing should be taken away from the commitment of Ross and Simon for stepping up and taking one (thirteen) for the team. Soggy Busquets meanwhile drew level with the Warlocks and are now behind only on goal difference. Muswell Hillbillies' failure to take advantage of the Warlocks' second defeat of the season means that they remain behind the Warlocks who will consider themselves fortunate to remain in the promotion spots. The two sides now face each other on Tuesday off the back of defeats, each desperate to secure promotion to the top flight. The good news, on paper at least, is that the Warlocks are officially on course to be promoted.

Goals - Takis 2, Powerleague Ringers 4.

 MAN OF THE MATCH: Takis Anatolitis 

With runaway top goalscorer George Perozzi and talismanic all-round hero Charles Stewart sidelined (and Ash), Anatolitis seized the opportunity to capitalise on a rare opportunity to stand out. The captain lead by example, working hard and keeping opposition defenders under pressure and topped off a solid performance with two goals to take him to third in the Golden Boot race, just two behind Geoff 'The Flamingo' Spencer-Smith. After flat-out stealing Simon Millson's goal and adding another moments later, Takis continued to bravely throw himself in the way of the ball and oncoming bald assailants, taking a hefty shove into the sideboards in the process. It was a spirited, if unremarkable performance, complete with the only two genuine Warlocks goals and a couple of assists. Mark Grogan had initially considered makeshift goalkeeper Ross Stewart for the Man of the Match accolade, but later admitted his judgement was clouded by his man-crush for Stewart and awarded it to the captain instead.

NEXT OPPONENT: Muswell Hillbillies

With the Warlocks now having faced each of their Season 6 opponents once, one feels it should be easier to predict how the remaining 5 games are going to go. Muswell Hillbillies proved fairly easy work in the 9-5 season opener five weeks ago but with Takis Anatolitis coming in to replace the much preferred, yet elusive Dr. Alex Alimo in the follow-up fixture and the lack of a proper goalkeeper for one more week, the Warlocks may need to dig deep to find a repeat performance and avoid a third successive defeat. With one point from their last two games, the Hillbillies are not in the best of form themselves and with Soggy Busquets hot on their heels, the Warlocks are expected to come out victorious.

Charlie's Warlocks 7-16 MURPHY'S BLACK & WHITE NINJAS

WEEK 4: Warlocks stunned back to reality as they relinquish the top spot

After making the dream start to their Season 6 campaign the Warlocks had to suffer the now unfamiliar taste of defeat after they were comprehensively beaten by league newcomers Murphy's Black & White Ninjas and displaced at the top of the table by Real Old. Fortunately however, the other results of the evening played nicely into their favour as a rare draw between Muswell Hillbillies and new league leaders, Real Old left the Warlocks second by only a point, while maintaining a gap over third-placed Hillbillies.

A confident Warlocks side lined up for their first ever encounter with Murphy's Black & White Ninjas, a team who had narrowly lost each of their opening three games and sat in 5th place. The boys in white were delivered a sharp reality check however when, within a matter of minutes, the Ninjas had stormed to a 5-0 lead after a collection of neat passes and clinical finishes. As he had on so many occasions in the past, George began single-handedly spearheading a Warlocks comeback, scoring a hatful of individual goals to save his team's blushes. With the clock approaching half-time, the scoreline read a far more respectable 7-4. In the second half, however, the Ninjas proved too strong. A slick, organised performance marred heavily by unsportsmanlike conduct of the most embarrassing nature culminated in what was a convinving win for the team who began the night on zero points.

Geoff found the net for the third consecutive game before Simon side-footed a trademark placed effort into the corner of the net but it was not enough to compete with the movement and deadly finishing on show from their opponents. For all the class the Ninjas showed in their football, they lacked it entirely in every other respect, kicking, elbowing and complaining their way through the best part of 50 minutes. Make no mistake, this is a team of able, but genuinely despicable scumbags, epitomised by one horrendous little excuse for a human in particular, a veritable skidmark on the underpants of society. As arguably the most loathsome indivudual the Warlocks have ever had the misfortune of playing against and sporting the red of Arsenal (how appropriate), this truly abhorrent disgrace of a player displayed a level of cuntitude previously unheard of in the fair game of 5-a-side football. Sadly his footballing talents fell far short of justifying his cocky taunts, aggressive baiting of the ref and players and complete lack of sportsmanship as he was, curiously, the worst player on his team. After the match, Perrozzi commented, "I guarantee you that kid is a virgin". After petulantly kicking the ball away in response to the Warlocks being rightly awarded a free kick, he was duly sin-binned which, short of having him put down, was probably the most appropriate response by the referee.

Many Warlocks are already eagerly anticipating their next meeting with Murphy's Ninjas, relishing the prospect of clatterring him into the sideboards. For now at least their attention must turn to next week's crucial title match against long-standing rivals Real Old. Has the bubble finally burst for Charlie's Warlocks? Tuesday evening will surely be the biggest test of their character so far.

Goals - George 4, Geoff 1, Simon 1, Own Goal 1.

 MAN OF THE MATCH: George Perrozzi 

The only bright spark among a Warlocks team who appeared out of their depth for much of the game. George fought well for the ball and was left wanting for support on too many occasions. George showed flashes of individual brilliance, grabbing himself 4 goals in the process leaving the Golden Boot race looking like a foregone conclusion. Not quite the one-man team he has seemed at times in the past, but it has to be said that were it not for George in this game, the Warlocks may have found themselves on the end of a far more humiliating defeat.

NEXT OPPONENT: Real Old

A mouth-watering clash awaits the Warlocks as they take on the old enemy Real Old for the top spot in Division 2. Unlike with Murphy's Black and White Ninjas, the Warlocks are very well acquainted with these opponents and will need to use all their experience to get the result they so badly need. A win for the Warlocks will re-establish them as league leaders with a 2-point cushion however a defeat will leave Real Old with vital breathing space and a 4-point lead with a superior goal difference. In addition, defeat would mean the very real prospect of dropping out of the top 2 promotion spots. Both teams lost their 100% record last night but Real Old remain the only unbeaten team in the division after 4 matches following a draw with Muswell Hillbillies. Historically this fixture has thrown up tight, physical matches of high quality, with the head-to-head more or less 50-50. This contest promises to be just as close. Real Old are typically very consistent and organised and tough to break down. The Warlocks will therefore have to call upon their early season firepower to come out on top. It's anyone's guess who will come out the victor in this crucial match, however for Anatolitis' men, there is only one acceptable result. Come on you Warlocks!



CHARLIE'S WARLOCKS 14-5 Smutton Rude

WEEK 3: It's 3 out of 3 for the mighty Warlocks as they continue their march towards the top flight. What began as a tight encounter out on Pitch 2 against a barely recognisable Smutton Rude side, awash with talented ringers, ended with a comfortable winning margin to maintain the Warlocks' top spot in Division 2. This was most certainly the George and Geoff show, as the pair netted an impressive 6 goals each, with the former storming to the top of the race for the Golden Boot with a classy performance. It was Geoff however, who impressed the most, pulling out a commanding performance on every inch of the pitch, fighting for every ball and mercilessly punishing the Smutton Rude goal with devastating and clinicial long-range finishing. Takis and Simon chipped in with a goal each of their own to cap off a 14-5 (When in Rome, Powerleague ref) victory against competent opposition.

A special mention must also go to Charles Stewart, who in the second half, unleashed one of the most spectacular miskicks in Powerleague history with a left-footed slice into the side board. Credit must also go to Ash who kept running for the team, defending tirelessly whilst playing with a broken thumb.

Goals - Geoff 6, George 6, Takis 1, Simon 1.

MOTM - Geoffrey Spencer-Smith

NEXT OPPONENT: Murphy's Black & White Ninjas

As the new boys of the league, little is known as yet about Murhpy's Black and White Ninjas other than that they have not started the season particularly strongly. New teams do have a habit of improving quickly however, as the Warlocks themselves know only too well, so caution must be maintained to fend off the evil of complacency in their upcoming Week 4 clash. A glance at the Ninjas' results reveals that they have put up close fights against both Muswell Hillbillies and second-place Real Old, losing by a single goal to the latter. Provided the Warlocks manage to solve their ongoing goalkeeper crisis however, the smart money would still be on the league leaders to prevail. Grogan remains injured and Alimo unavailable so the team is likely to be largely the same as the side who beat Smutton Rude. After managing just one goal in the previous game, Anatolitis has vowed to make a comeback in the Golden Boot race by deflecting his teammates' attempts into the net and taking credit.