Geoff Spencer-Smith

Aliases: Caramel Thunder, El-Hadji Geoff, The Running Man, Usain, The Flamingo

Geoffrey 'Geoff' Spencer-Smith has been a regular Warlock since Season 3. Inducted into the team by original Warlock veteran Simon Millson, Spencer-Smith was the last in a succession of players forming the notorious Haberdashers invasion of Charlie's Warlocks. Deployed typically as a box-to-box player, Geoff has notched up an impressive number of goals since joining the team, but is also renowned for his tireless running, long-range finishing and wholly unnecessary dribbles into blind alleys at the expense of passing to a teammate. Geoff is also famed for his regular stand-in protests at being substituted by manager, Anatolitis and attempting shots on goal from impossible angles, often even from behind the goal line. Official club statistics estimate that over the course of a typical 50-minute game, Spencer-Smith covers an average of 73.6 miles.

Spencer-Smith's tall frame and long legs enable him to make vital goalmouth tackles from the opposition's half of the pitch and are also essential to his majestic athletic prowess. Geoff was once the world-record holder for the men's 200m and 400m sprints but was later stripped of his gold medals and world records for being too sexy. The decision of the IAAF was vindicated by a number of high-profile crowd fatalities resulting from female javelin throwers being distracted by Spencer-Smith's irresistible manliness.



His long legs, grace and finesse on the ball together with his penchant for extravangant pink clothing have earned him the nickname of "The Flamingo" among his Warlock peers. The name has done little to stem rumours of Geoff's homosexuality, despite Geoff often being seen covorting with numerous attractive females in London's hottest nightspots. Many cynics have accused the Warlocks of attempting to cover up the issue in the hope of appeasing his army of female shirt-buying fans.

Geoff is by far the highest-earning Warlock with lucrative sponsorships from Armani, Nike and Malboro Cigarettes.